Friday, September 14, 2012


"Pit Bulls are just like other dogs"

They say "Necessity is the Mother of Invention"...and the development of the Pit Bull breed has driven the best and worst of the human spirit. Mankind has risen to the challenge by engineering a cornucopia of devices, apparatuses and methods for dealing with the idiosyncrasies of a breed that should have never been created in the first place.

Let's no particular order;

1. The Bear Garden: What the hell is a Bear Garden you say?!? In Victorian England, they needed bears and arenas for public baiting events, Entrepreneurial Bloodsporters built compounds called Bear Gardens to bait them and raise them so they had an endless supply! Cost to enter and watch a bear or bull get ripped?....1 shilling.

Note: Whenever a child gets poured into a life-flight Helicopter or onto the Coroner's table...Thank a Bear Gardener. Love the Brits, but they should have never opened this Pandora's Box.

2. The Break Stick: A device used to pry open the jaws of a canine developed for fighting that will not let go. The People who sell them issue the following warnings "Every Responsible Pit Bull Owner should have one" and "Never use a Break Stick on another Breed".

Here, a Pit Bull owner describes his use of a breakstick to release himself when his Pit Bull "Fedor's" eyes went reptilian and it decided to kill him:

I had extensive damage done to the main arterys behind my knee, Fedor grabbed a hold of me and shaked and ripped at my leg for about 15 mins.. he got so deep into my leg and fractured one of my shin bones, the fibula? I dont know how to spell it.. From the moment he went after me I remained as calm as could be.. I used all the training commands that we had worked with as far as dropping his toys.. I eventually fell to the floor cause i couldnt stand anymore, I lost over a liter of blood. I had my girlfriend give me a breaking stick to try to pry his jaws apart.. but whenever i got it in he released and just came right back to the same wound.. I was afraid for my life, and my girlfriends life.. and as hard as it is to say, I shot him. I couldnt take the pain anymore

*Lesson: Why mess around with useless Caesar Milan Techniques and the Break Stick?!?...Just go for the gun!!

3. Crate and Rotate: This a lifestyle adopted in a household with multiple, adult, dog- aggressive Pit Bulls. Each dog is separated in it's own crate and "rotated" (taken out for a few hours daily), with the Nutter making an impossible commitment to maintain this lion taming routine 24/7/365.... Normally, they will take the rotated-ripper out on a pink leash on a walk and lecture neighbors about Pit Bulls. Occasionally, there is a C&R mishap and the Nutter is lifeflighted or killed when the eventual "scuffle" breaks loose.

Note: Have a relative or friend that has deteriorated into this lifestyle?...Stage an intervention.

4. Prosthetic Legs for Horses: Meet Molly who was mauled by a Pit Bull shortly after Hurricane Katrina. Normally, losing a leg is a death sentence for a horse and she was about to be put down. A Veterinarian engineered an equine artificial leg to save her...

A first for mankind!

5. The Rape Stand: Dogfighters needed a safe method for breeding "Champions"* that want to kill each other so they came up with this contraption.

GENIUS! * When the United Kennel Club was founded in 1898, the organization regulated dogfighting in the United States. Three documented "wins" were required to earn registry papers. They still chime in today about Pit Bull safety.

6. Pit Bull Crop Circles...Dog Fighting Primitives use a low cost and efficient containment method of staking out Pit Bulls apart so they can't kill each other. In aerial or satellite photos taken from outer space, these resemble Crop Circles.

The mystery of the British Crop Circle Phenomenon solved...Dog fighters!

7. The Nutter Home Zoo (NHZ): The NHZ is taking the Crate and Rotate system to a disturbing level.... When this Beaver-like Nutter needed a way to prevent to the multiple Pit Bulls in her home from ripping each other apart. She constructed an intricate labyrinth of gates and cages that resemble lockdown systems one might see in a Mental Institution or Maximum Security Prison....

Remember these photos when the Occupy Maul Streeters descend upon your City Council and start screaming at them....

8. Pit Bull Snow Angels: On January 2nd, 2012; Chicago Jogger Charles Finley was attacked by two loose Pit Bulls in a 30 minute, Serengeti-like mauling that severed his foot. Police responded and shot the Pit Bulls. The carcass of one of the pitties melted this beautiful image in the snow before cooling to ambient temperature.

Happy Maulidays!

9. Remote Controlled Dog Exploder (RCDE): In 2002, near Brindisi, Italy, there was a nasty Pit Bull attack when two loose Pit Bulls attacked two farmers. One farmer was killed and after the other survived by hiding in a shed., When Police arrived they shot one maneater, while the other escaped into nearby woods. Italian Police had quite the personnel safety quandary, so they "MacGuyvered" up an Explosives Demolition Robot rigged with a bomb. When the berserker approached it, they hit the detonate button and...KABLOOIE!!!!!


10. The Pet Resume and Interview: WTF is a Pet Resume you say?!? A Pet Resume is a worthless document made by a desperate, civil rights violated - Pit Bull owner seeking rental housing. The goal behind the Pet Resume and interview is to dupe the prospective Landlord into assuming the liability for the likely six figure bloodbath. The resume will show accomplishments such as the $25 ATTS testing or the Good Canine Citizenship Certification, and may include "references" from other Pit Nutters...none of which provide liability indemnification.

Above, two Pit Bulls get dolled up for their interview with the targeted Landlord...Why is obtaining one's own Renter's Insurance or Liability policy such a foriegn concept to Pit Bull owners? Furthermore, why doesn't the HSUS, ASPCA, AVMA and Best Friends put their money where their mouths are and sell low cost liability insurance to Pit Bull owners?....

11. The Pit Bull Panic Button (PBPB): In 2005, the ASPCA published this extremely Canine Racist brief recommending discriminatory reinforced cages and the installation of Panic Buttons in shelters housing Pit Bulls.

Note: If shelter workers need special protection from the ASPCA's precious Pit Bulls, shouldn't Pit Bull Panic Buttons be installed on school playgrounds, street lights and telephone poles in every community in America?...Think of all the jobs that could be created!

12. The Dogbrella: In 1981, after one of his Mail Carrier's was savagely mauled by a Pit Bull, the San Jose, CA Postmaster tried equipping his personnel with "Dogbrellas". The thought was that an umbrella popping open would scare off most dogs, or the biter would attack the Dogbrella.

This novel idea seems to have collapsed as America's Mail Carriers are being hauled off in the Meatwagons at record pace...Apparently, it just pisses off a pit bull, so they've switched to pepper spray...

A carpal-tunnel causing compilation of Pit Bull attacks on mail carriers may be seen here:
For Pit Nutters, The Mailman Only Rings Once

12. The Dine and Dash (D&D): The latest craze taken from the Pit Owner playbook (which might be a cookbook called: “To Serve Man“…) is fleeing from stunned attack victims using the Dine and Dash, or “the D&D“. A variety of techniques can be used during a D&D, from blatantly hauling ass, to giving phony names and offering a worthless promise to pay med/vets bills. Sometimes the reckless owner will traffic the animal to another locality to avoid it‘s euthanization.

The Pit Bull owner playbook

A determined and angry victim launched a cyber web to ensnare this brutal Pit Bull owner who happened to be a Chicago City Cop!

An astonishing list of brazen D&D attempts and techniques to muzzle them may be seen here: How to defeat a Pit Bull owner Dine and Dash

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